3 ideas and a question: Relationship conflict

A better predictor of successful conflict resolution for couples than how they communicate, and two ways to reframe conflict in relationships.

Image credit: Carolina Garcia Tavizon

Idea 1

Couples can engage in heated arguments and be critical, angry, and defensive, but if the relationship itself is satisfying, those big fights are likely to be followed by big resolutions. Level of satisfaction with a relationship seems to be a much stronger predictor of conflict resolution than how couples communicate when they disagree.

— Are negative behaviors bad, benign, or beneficial?

Idea 2

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery by treating the break not as something to hide, but as something to revere as part of the object’s history. Artist Teresita Fernández has noted that these conspicuous, artful repairs add value because, after repair, the object can then resemble nothing but its unique self.

— Relationship conflict and the art of kintsugi

Idea 3

A famous 1980s science experiment discovered that growing healthy, resilient trees requires more than light, water, and fertile soil. The trees also need stress. When buffeted by wind, trees grow concentrations of cells, called “stress wood,” that resist the bending caused by wind. Wind and storms help trees build resilience.

— Relational stress wood

Question

How can you nourish satisfaction and resilience to disagree better in a vital relationship, making it better than new?