Are you sure you're solving the same problem?
One reason disagreements get messy is that people are on different train tracks and don’t know it.
One reason disagreements get complicated is that not everyone is solving the same problem. It seems obvious that everyone should be solving the same problem, but I can tell you that, in conflict situations, it’s not uncommon for those involved to be on completely different train tracks.
For instance, Elena may be solving the problem “How to get Sam to be more of a team player,” while Sam may be solving the problem “How to get Elena off my back.” Or a committee chairperson may be solving the problem “How to get the team fully on board with my idea,” while committee members are solving the problem “How to get the chair to listen to us.” Like trains on separate tracks, these different problems lead to different destinations.
The quality of the problem that is found is a forerunner of the quality of the solution that is attained.
JACOB GETZELS
One way to avoid the separate train tracks problem is to take the time to effectively problem-find before diving into generating solutions for the assumed problem. Problem-finding is discovering and naming (“framing”) the shared problem that matters to those involved.
People like to jump quickly into solutions because it feels satisfying to fix things, shows dedication to getting things done, and seems efficient. But it’s inefficient, not to mention ineffective, if good problem-finding doesn’t come first.
If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about the solutions.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Here are some of my favorite practices for good problem-finding. Adopt them to enhance your own problem-finding skills:
Ask, What is the problem we’re trying to solve here? This is a good question for making sure you’re all working on the same problem before you get too far down the track.
Ask, If we solve this problem, what would it do for us? This is a good question for adopting a “design thinking” mindset and finding a meaningful shared problem.
Use a relationship diagram to explore the primary drivers of a problem. This will help you discover underlying problems influencing the situation before you waste time solving a less important problem.
Don’t get mired in the mud by the quest for “the real issue.” To paraphrase legendary folk singer Pete Seeger, real is a rabbit in a bramble patch.
Over to you
Think of a conflict problem you're facing or have faced. Finish this sentence, "The problem I think we need to solve is..."
Would they agree with the way you've framed it? If not, how might they finish that sentence?
How could you incorporate both/all into a revised problem frame?
If you both (all) could solve that revised problem, what would it do for you? Does solving that problem make a difference for you both/all?
Great timing for me, thanks Tammy.