How to shut down predatory curiosity

Ways to navigate nosiness that goes too far or just won't stop

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Predatory curiosity is nosiness motivated by judgmentalism. It’s intended to convey we’re doing something wrong or not up to par.

Predatory curiosity is a form of communication that’s intended to seem oblique and yet is abundantly clear — they don’t say it directly, yet we know exactly what they’re saying. Questions born from predatory curiosity often feel intrusive, like these:

• Why don't you have children?

• You have six children?! I didn't know you were Catholic.

• Is it hard to find a good hairdresser in your new place?

• Have you been ill? (while looking you up and down)

• You haven't fallen for that vaccine hogwash, have you?

Predatory curiosity can come from someone who’s callously oblivious or intending to unsettle you. It can also come from a loved one who genuinely cares about you and chooses an unfortunate way to convey their affection.

Not every question deserves or requires an answer, of course. But if it's awkward to change the subject, politely disengage and walk away, or they're dogged in their quest, here are options for dealing with the annoyance: