Reflection prompt #10

Exploring the ways anger shows up in our bodies and how we can use this information to keep our balance better

Early in my higher education career, before I did conflict resolution full-time, I worked for a terrific dean who taught me a great deal not just about being a good dean, but also about being an effective leader.

I was always impressed by how she displayed a calm and collected demeanor even in the most difficult situations. But she had a “tell,” a characteristic that gave away when she was getting angry: Her neck would turn a blotchy red. I found it amusing that she always wore a scarf around her neck for board of trustees meetings, which could occasionally get contentious.

I like to tell this story about K when I’m teaching workshops about managing our own anger and helping others stay in or return to steady state during conflict. Our bodies serve as an early warning system when we’re in conflict. They tell us when we’re triggered, when we’re starting to get angry, when we’re enraged.

When we recognize and pay attention to our built-in early warning system, we improve our ability to manage anger effectively (and manage what we signal to others, as K did). We can use some of the same signals to be alert to someone else’s growing anger. Here’s a sensation map of emotions as they manifest in our bodies: