Reflection prompt #11
Pondering reflexive loops and how they trap us
Years ago I had a coaching client whose goal was to become less reactive in conflict with her husband. She had made real strides, too: She wasn’t deploying her biting New York sarcasm when she was frustrated with him. She stopped expecting him to guess what she needed and was better able to state clearly what she needed. She was keeping her balance much more often and when she felt herself approaching her boiling point, she was using effective strategies to manage her anger.
She called me fewer than 10 minutes after a discussion with her husband in which he’d said, “You go off the rails when I don’t just go along with what you want. When are you going to make an effort to handle yourself better?”
“How could he not notice?” she demanded. “I’m like a different person in those conversations! It’s like he’s completely blind.”