Reflection prompt #17
Considering the nature of our fears of conflict
Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.
- Hafiz, 14th-century Sufi teacher and poet
When I tell people I do conflict resolution work, it’s not uncommon for someone to say in return, “Oh, I hate conflict,” or “Oh, I could never do that, I’m afraid of conflict.”
Years ago, while I was donating blood, a Red Cross nurse slapped her hand on my forehead, as though taking my temperature, when I told her I was a mediator. “Wait,” she said, “let me see if I get this right. You seek out conflict for a living?!?”
It was experiences like these that led me to invite my mediation grad students, on the first day of Interpersonal Conflict, to stand and sort themselves into three groups:
Those who would generally describe themselves as fearful of conflict,
Those who would generally describe themselves as a little too willing to conflict, and
Those who would generally describe themselves as in between the two.
The first group was almost always the largest, a compelling tidbit when you consider that many of these students were pursuing a master’s degree in mediation because they thought mediation or other conflict management work would be a good next career.
The last group was almost always the smallest, leaving those who thought they might have a bit too much fight in them as the second-largest.