Venting anger: Why it doesn't help and what to do instead

Venting anger doesn't help you calm down and increases aggression. So why is the venting myth still embraced? And what's better?

Angry? Go outside and scream. Visit a rage room to break plates and electronics. Go for a run or kick a punching bag. Scream and yell. You'll probably feel better.

The trouble is, you won't actually be better. To paraphrase long-time anger researcher Brad Bushman, who has just released another study about the negative effects of venting,

Feeling better isn't the same as actually being better.

Humans do a lot of things that make us feel great but don't really make us act any better. Street drugs and excess alcohol are good examples.

The roots of the anger venting myth

The origins of the anger venting myth lie in the ancient Greek idea of catharsis, that behaving aggressively or watching others behave aggressively leads to the release of negative emotions.

Freud's hydraulic model of anger built on the idea of catharsis. Freud proposed that anger builds up inside an individual like pressure inside a closed environment (think pressure cooker or teakettle with a lid). If the anger is not vented, the build-up will eventually cause the individual to explode in an aggressive rage.

Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

Freud's theory is taught in graduate psychology and counseling programs. Counselors who are not staying current with the research continue to encourage us to go ahead and vent our anger, get it off our chest. I know a mediator or two who do the same. Rage rooms normalize venting anger.

The anger venting myth has persisted because venting makes us feel better and because it's been an accepted and normalized method for dealing with anger. And because we trust that the people recommending it have done their homework.

But, alas, we are not Instant Pots.

What is venting?

"I just need to vent," said a friend who called one evening to talk about their frustrations with their partner. They went on to talk about several recurring annoyances. They wanted a sounding board. They were unhappy but not ranting and raving. They didn't raise their voice. They got things off their chest by sharing them with me.

For my friend, "I need to vent" was shorthand for "I need to talk about this." Expressing feelings and sharing them with another is generally seen as helpful, particularly if the expression is an attempt to gain better insight and understanding of what happened.

This is not venting. This is expressing emotion and seeking comfort, or complaining, or looking for help in understanding a problem in new ways.

The nuance lies in the difference between expressing emotions and expressing strong emotions:

Venting is not the expression of feelings. It is the release of anger through verbal or physical means.

Venting is the expression of anger, rage, and similar strong emotions. It looks and sounds like ranting, verbal rampage, screaming, and yelling. It is verbal vomit.

I invite you to stop using the term venting except when you mean the unloading of anger or rage, because it helps perpetuate the myth that venting is a good thing to do.

Why is venting anger a bad idea?

The research into venting anger has demonstrated for decades that venting does not improve emotional state and instead increases anger and aggressiveness. Another study, released just last month, concluded the same.

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, cautions that venting feels satisfying "because of the seductive nature of anger." Anger researcher Brad Bushman says that venting is like throwing fuel on a fire. While it feels intoxicating, it's actually toxic.

Venting anger might sound like a good idea, but there's not a shred of scientific evidence to support catharsis theory.

BRAD BUSHMAN

Here's what decades of research into anger and venting helps us understand:

• Anger is an arousal state. Venting anger increases arousal.

• Outbursts of rage pump up the brain’s state of arousal, increasing emotional flooding.

• Focusing on angry feelings increases anger and aggression, including displaced aggression (lashing out at someone unrelated to the event that provoked the anger).

• When venting anger becomes a habit, venters are essentially practicing how to behave aggressively.

• Substitute targets for anger, like punching a pillow or pounding nails, don’t reduce arousal and can increase hostility.

• Intense physical activity after provocation, like going for a fast run, is more likely increase anger than reduce it because these activities increase arousal.

There's the health angle, too: Even brief outbursts of anger put stress on blood vessels, increasing risk for heart attack and stroke.

What to do instead of venting anger

The idea here isn't to ignore anger, or try not to feel anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. Anger is a messenger. The healthy processing of emotions is a good idea, not a bad one.

Because anger is a state of heightened arousal, the key to defusing it is to choose responses that lower arousal:

• Sit quietly for a few minutes.

• Count to 10..or better yet, 100.

• Practice slow deep breathing for a few minutes.

• Progressively relax your muscles, starting with your toes and gradually moving up your body all the way to your face.

• Find a low-arousal distraction, like today's Wordle or petting a dog.

• Do your favorite yoga poses.

• Use expressive writing, with this caution: Don't write with the intention to unload -- that's just venting with a keyboard or pen. Write with the intention to understand.

What to do if someone vents to you

If someone walks into your office or sits down at a meeting and says, "I need to vent," first take measure of whether they're really venting or simply expressing frustration in a reasonable way.

If they're venting anger, your primary goal must be to interrupt and help them stop venting. Otherwise, you're allowing them to throw fuel on the already-existing flames. I find these approaches to be effective:

• Distract or redirect. Move them away from venting by redirecting their attention to something else.

• Cue their curiosity. Interrupt the ranting with questions that invite them to think about the situation. My QueryCards have some good questions to use.

• Coach. Explain -- whether as colleague, mediator, friend, or family member -- what we know about venting and the damage it causes. Encourage them to do one of the above things and let them know you're all ears when they're ready for a sounding board.

The key to curbing anger is reducing physiological arousal from anger itself or from the otherwise beneficial physical activity it might inspire. [source]

For more about venting anger, along with a great story about a well-known U.S. daytime television show (and an example of how media can inadvertently encourage venting), listen to my 2014 interview of Brad Bushman. The material in it is still relevant and reliable.

Over to you

Some journaling / conversation / comment prompts for your consideration:

• Are you unconvinced about the problematic nature of venting? What is the nature of your doubt?

• Do you vent anger on occasion? How does it show up? What circumstances prompt it?

• How would you interrupt your own venting? What options attract you most for lowering the arousal?

• Do you experience anger venting in your work? After this article, what do you think you’ll do about it next time?