You always share great insights and recommendations. The only thing I would add is to show respect. Bickering can become disrespectful. I have learned and continue to be mindful of how I speak to my husband ( and others-I'm a mediator too) . I ask myself how can I disagree or tell my perspective in a respectful manner. It was really tough in this last political environment since we see things very differently. It's still hard But the one word and feeling that comes to mind is respect. We need to respect each other' s opinion even if we do not agree. Emotionally charged issues challenge our emotional intelligence- if there is no foundation of respect our relationship will fail.
Well said, Mari. My goal with this article was for readers to see that even when we can't muster our better angels, and we blow trying to be respectful, even repeatedly over years, it is not the death knell of the relationship if we put our energy into "getting" them a lot of the rest of the time. Bickering can be respectful enough but still a problem if we don't invest in trying to understand them.
When I'm teaching mediators, I always caution them that "respect" is tricky because what seems respectful enough to one can feel disrespectful to another. Respect has strong cultural components, so we've got to delve into the actual behavior that seems respectful/not respectful and steer away from the hamster wheel of "I am being respectful / no, you're not."
You always share great insights and recommendations. The only thing I would add is to show respect. Bickering can become disrespectful. I have learned and continue to be mindful of how I speak to my husband ( and others-I'm a mediator too) . I ask myself how can I disagree or tell my perspective in a respectful manner. It was really tough in this last political environment since we see things very differently. It's still hard But the one word and feeling that comes to mind is respect. We need to respect each other' s opinion even if we do not agree. Emotionally charged issues challenge our emotional intelligence- if there is no foundation of respect our relationship will fail.
Well said, Mari. My goal with this article was for readers to see that even when we can't muster our better angels, and we blow trying to be respectful, even repeatedly over years, it is not the death knell of the relationship if we put our energy into "getting" them a lot of the rest of the time. Bickering can be respectful enough but still a problem if we don't invest in trying to understand them.
When I'm teaching mediators, I always caution them that "respect" is tricky because what seems respectful enough to one can feel disrespectful to another. Respect has strong cultural components, so we've got to delve into the actual behavior that seems respectful/not respectful and steer away from the hamster wheel of "I am being respectful / no, you're not."
A wonderful dose of Tammy Lenski brilliance! Thank you.
Ah, thanks, Kathie!